Welcome 2014!!!

Hello there world! Have you been wondering where I have been for the past 6 or so months? Well so have I.

I got overwhelmed and anxious about life, about work and receded into myself becoming a person I didn't even recognize. I barely had the energy to make time to do all the things I loved. I was moody and mean to people around me and worst of all I basically just gave up on myself. What made this all happen you may be asking? It wasn't one big traumatic thing that sent me sinking into this dark hole. In fact it all started because I was feeling better than I had ever felt in my life.

Being a mom brought so much joy to my life and seeming my daughter day to day was the most amazing feeling in the world. Looking back I think I was in a bit of euphoria. In my case that, surprisingly, caused me to not see things clearly. I thought I was so happy I would just stop taking my medication.

A bit of back story on myself; I have suffered from depression for most of my life and have taken medication for probably a good 5 years. I took it all through my pregnancy with no problems. I know there are many different opinions on what exactly depression is and I will agree there are many different kinds of depression. I, in fact, have a chemical imbalance in my brain that causes my emotions to be completely out of whack. It causes me to feel anxious, to get angry at the littlest things. I don't have patience for things that occur in everyday life. If I don't take my medication I can feel a real difference within a couple of days, and people around me can tell a difference as well. With all this proven to me I still get frustrated that I have to take a pill to feel normal and that I probably will have to take medication for the rest of my life to be a productive person in the world.

Back to my story, I went to refill my prescription one day and it was the time where I had to make another doctor appointment. I thought this was as good a time as any to try and not take my medication since I was feeling so great. I continued to feel pretty amazing and I absolutely loved being a mom, however work started getting to be a bit overwhelming. I blamed work for all of my unhappiness. No schedule I worked made me happy, no amount of work (or no work) would make me feel less stressed. Things that I could handle in past were so overwhelming that I was in a panic everyday when I had to go to work. I got to the point where I had crying fits at work and even talked to my boss about seriously stepping down from my management position. I thought that the job was just too demanding and it was the cause of all my emotional turmoil.

It all came crashing down on Christmas day. I was scheduled to work both Christmas day and Christmas eve, which I wasn't happy about but had worked it out so I was still able to see all my family and do all of our celebrating. As I drove to work I started crying and I couldn't stop myself. I got to work and did my best to get myself together, I bought myself something to eat quickly and I hid in the office until, I thought I had composed myself. I attempted to go find my manager to let her know she was able to leave but as soon as I saw her I started balling uncontrollably again. She immediately told me to leave because I obviously wasn't able to work. I was hesitant because I knew if I left it would mean her Christmas would be ruined and she would have to stay. She finally said what she had been wanting to say to me for a while, she said I needed to talk to a doctor.

Reading this you might think I can easily talk about my depression but I never had told her about it. I never wanted this to get in the way of my career. It's funny cause they give you these personality type assessment tests when you get into management and it asks questions on a scale from 1-5 asking if you ever get sad or anxious and I always think about to that when I think about my job. I fear that if my depression as a known thing about me it would hold me back. Yes, I realize that is a crazy thing to think but that test always peaks up in my brain.

So I went home Christmas day and I vowed that I would make a doctor appointment to get my medication again and I would start taking the time to fix me! I decided I wouldn't step down. I decided I have to lose all the weight I gained in my depression. I decided that just because I have depression doesn't mean I am going to let it hold me back anymore.

I had my doctor appointment on January 2nd and I am officially back on track with my life and I am feeling good about it. My doctor also helped my understand and cope with the fact that I have to take a pill everyday to feel better. She said that it's like a diabetic. They have to take insulin everyday to keep their body chemicals in check, I just have to do it in pill form. Honestly that truly has made me look at things 100x differently and I am ready to take on this life and all it has to give to me!

This is something I saw on Facebook the other day. It is "What if we treated  physical diseases like we treat mental illness"

Mommy Monday: Sloane's First Easter

Yesterday was Easter and Sloane third holiday that we celebrate with my extended family. The first was Thanksgiving when she was only a couple weeks old.

We celebrated Thanksgiving at my parents house and Sloane did simply fabulous, Besides peeing and pooing in front of everyone during a diaper change, she pretty much slept the entire time.

Second holiday we celebrated with my family was Christmas. She was a almost two months old and I'm pretty sure she was completely overwhelmed by all the people that she basically cried the entire time. This was the time when I basically reverted to the boob to sooth her so we didn't get much socializing with my family for that holiday.

Easter, however, Sloane was nearly 4 months and 3 weeks and she was a perfect angel. She did so good socializing with everyone. I actually think she completely loved all the attention she was getting because Mat and I will leave her to play by herself sometimes while we do dishes or what not. She looked absolutely stunning in her Easter dress we got from Mat's aunt.

Also later in the day after she awoke from her nap after everyone went home I spent sometime playing with her on the floor and she was a crawling machine! I'm excited that I was able to capture it on video.

It is so awesome to see Sloane grow and develop everyday and the milestones like these really remind me just how much she is growing.

Day....WHATEVER... of Christmas

OK well I have to admit I just don't have time to blog every single day of these Days of Christmas. I am going to try and do it every couple days and I will choose the topics that I feel best suit me. Today I will be skipping day 4: Tips and tricks to budgeting because if you know me at ALL I am not the one to ask about budgeting. OK well I do give good advice but I don't live by that advice so no one should really listen to me!

Day 5: Favorite Movie or Special


My all time favorite Christmas movie is "One Magic Christmas". It is a very under rated Christmas movie but I think the way I was raised I just relate to it. It is about a family who has hit hard times and are really struggling to make it through the holiday season. The mom has completely lost the Christmas spirit. An angle appears to the little girl and helps the mom find the Christmas spirit. Now that is just an overview of the story but what I really remember about the movie is little scenes. I love when the little girls uses the bathroom and the bath tub over flows. I don't know why that scene has stuck with me through all these years. Also, the mom works in a grocery store and she makes announcements about the specials. Every time I make announcements at work I think about that part of the movie. I feel like the family is real and the situations are real. It isn't one of those overly fluffed up movies that could only be real in a world of make-believe. When I was younger I related to the young girl but now that I am getting older I relate more to the mom. It is a movie that has lasted through the ages with me.

If you haven't seen it I recommend at least checking it out once. It is usually shown on the hallmark or oxygen networks during the holiday season.

Day 2 and 3 of Christmas

Yesterday I hurt my back just as I was about to write Day 2 of Christmas so I wasn't able to get it done yesterday so I'm combining them today. Luckily I didn't have a lot to say about day 2 anyways.

Day 2 of Christmas: Shopping tips and tricks

I gotta say I'm not exactly the best at getting deals while shopping. I do suggest going shopping on black Friday if you can stand it because you do get pretty great deals. I just don't have the time or interest to seek out the best deals and make sure I buy the items in time to take advantage of those deals. I do have a friend who is amazing at taking advantage of deals and that is @Tara1316 on twitter. I would refer anyone asking about shopping deals to her.

Day 3 of Christmas: Most wanted or best gift

Well I would think the best gift I ever got for Christmas was my Radio Flyer wagon I got from my uncle when i was like 6 or 7. I loved that thing. I used it all the way up into the teens where we finally destroyed it by trying to go down a bumpy ass rock hill as fast as possible. I was in a phase where I had to be as good as the boys (and prove it) so we made it into a game to get down this rocky dirt hill in the little red wagon. Boy was that an adventure.

Day 1 of 12 Days of Christmas

So I've decided to do this 12 Days of Christmas Challenge thing that is going around on the blogs these days. Now granted everyone is already done with their 12 days and are onto like day 14 so I'm a little behind but I thought it would still be fun to do it.

DAY 1: Holiday traditions

We are still a young family with no children but we still have our own traditions. First of all it is all kicked off with shopping at midnight on black Friday. We love doing this together. We then sleep all during the day.


Also we also have to decorate the tree together. I have to admit I put up the tree this year while mat was still sleeping and when he woke up he was pretty upset that I had started without him. We put on the ornaments together.


I also have my own tradition where I buy Christmas tins from the Helping Hands thrift store by my house and then do TONS of baking to fill them all and then give it all away to co-workers, friends, and family.

Christmas Project

Every year I get so creative around Christmas time and I just love doing crafts. Maybe it is because I'm stuck inside all the time because of the cold and rain. I just don't seem to do many crafts during the summer. Anyways, last year I made fleece pillows for each of my girls because we knew we were getting Snuggies from Kristin's mom. Whats more perfect then a Snuggie and a matching pillow! This year I found a really fun project to do on the Flamingo Toes Blog. The dish towels were so adorable and seemed easy enough to make.



I was so excited that I found the exact fabric at Jo Anne Fabrics when I stopped there after my weight watchers meeting. I started by cutting out the temp-lets they give and then cutting them out in the fabric. I then had to MAKE the towel part. This part was tricky because you have to make such small hems on the edges of the towel so it doesn't fray.

Finally I was sewing on the fabric designs when I learned that I SUCK at sewing around a curved edge. I can sew straight enough hems all day but a curved line did me in. On the final ornament I had to sew on I think I finally got the hang of it but the rest look like a child tried to sew them.


Sewing on the rick rack strings was another mistake I made... I should have used the same color tread because you can see thee while line down them and it doesn't exactly go straight either.


Over all the towel is pretty cute! I'm disappointed I couldn't make the ruffles because I don't have the right presser foot for my machine! I was thinking about making these towels of others too but I think I'll buy the towel pre-made so I just have to get to designs on it.