Friday, November 5, 2010

Sometime's things just happen that you have no control over

Well I know I have tweeted about this situation and maybe not in the most flattering way possible but that is simply because tweets are meant to be in the moment. I rarely think through a tweet but react in the moment. Sometimes when I'm in a moment I express feelings that aren't necessarily how I feel about everything but an emotionally charged reaction to feeling hurt or betrayed. Anyways I have done lots of reflecting and I know that it is impossible to go back the way things were with this old friend I had, but I'm feeling OK with that these days.

This friend I had has been a friend to me for many years. I have to add that we have been friends off and on over these years. Most arguments start with a disagreement over a boy which is quite sad but a fact. We first became friends in high school when I moved to Kirkland. She was the first person to offer me a place to eat at lunch. We were inseparable all through high school to the point that people were annoyed by us. We were such fun loving girls who went to school together, worked together and went on family vacations together. Our first fight was in high school when we were fighting over a boy we worked with. We went weeks without talking and grew apart in the process. Unfortunately a horrible thing happened to this friend and we realized how much we meant to each other so our friendship began just where it had left off, like no time had passed. We had an amazing senior year and made so many great memories that I will remember for my entire life.

The summer after we graduated she met her future husband and our relationship drifted once again. We were growing apart in two different directions. We didn't have any real conflicts and we still worked with each other. I was even in her wedding. But our friendship wasn't the same( I was in the party hard stage of my life and she was settling down).

We started to become close again when she started having struggles in her life. I wanted to be there for her and help her through the hard times. I gave her an escape from the life that had made her depressed and in turn I had gotten my friend back. It was so nice to have these fun times with her again and we were building amazing memories once again. We were both helping each other grow but with grown comes changes and once again we started heading in two different directions. She had developed a new found freedom and she wanted to experience everything she hadn't in the past few years while I was settling down and had a different outlook on life. I admit that as the friend looking into her life I was concerned about her getting hurt since she had become so fragile in her struggles in the past. I felt the need to protect her (in her eyes it even looked like I was trying to control her) I didn't want her to struggle anymore and of course being the strong willed women I am, I thought I knew what was best for her.

This friend of mine is also a very strong willed women and she wanted to experience life her way. This in turn caused us to butt heads once again. Yes the arguments seemed to usually stem from relationships with men but I have learned that they were much deeper than that. We are just two very strong women with two different outlooks on how to live life. I admit that I was more to blame for our friendship ending in the end. I just couldn't sit by and watch my friend put herself in situations where I knew she could end up crying over.

So I guess I am using this blog as a bit of closure on this situation. I want to say sorry to everyone that has had to be in the middle of all of this unnecessary drama. I also want to wish my old friend all the best in her life. I know that she will do well. She is strong willed and she knows what she wants and she goes for it. I'm glad to see she is living a happy life and she has so many friends to support her and be there for her.

Who knows we've become friends again in the past so you never know what the future holds. I know that if either of us truly needed each other we would be there and I guess that's all you really need in life sometimes.

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