Let me tell you about my best friends!

I have a problem with being a friend all the time. I tend to be too honest and too blunt. I always want to help all my friends with everything and most of the things i just can't help them with. i wish that i was the perfect friend and that our relationships never had problems but i am sensitive and uncensored so problems tend to pop up even when things are going great. so i want to take this moment to write about my three best friends in the world. They all mean the world to me and i don't know what i would do without a single one of them.

Kristin Marie:

She is unbelievably creative. It is amazing the works of art she can create with absolutely no effort. She puts us all to shame on our crafting days. She is always there when i have a problem and always knows the right thing to say. she laughs at my stupid behaviour even though most the time it isn't funny. She knows to show some kind of reaction to the things i do because that is all i am looking for. She knows to agree with things i say even though we both know i am wrong (because I'm strange like that) She is my interpreter to the people who don't understand me. She can read my mind and finish my sentences. She is extremely intelligent and soaks up knowledge like no one I've even known. I know that if i need to know something she is more than likely gonna have the answer for me. If she doesn't i know that her mom will. Her family is my family and i am eternally grateful for that. She has grown so much as a person since i have known her and i can't wait to see the wonderful person i know she will become. There are things that she lets hold her back but she has began to work through those walls and really has began to blossom. I love this girl with all my heart and truly i would be one sad girl without her!

Laura Lorraine:
She is an amazing women who i think is defined by her strong bond with her family. I have never met someone who can say she honestly has never said she hates her parents. She has such a level head and always knows how to do the right thing. She know show to find a balance to her life that inspiring. She always seems to find time for her friends and her family. She also plays both soccer and softball and works and goes to school. She makes me inspired to be a better person and become closer to my family. She is absolutely beautiful but doesn't even realize it. She is strong physically as well as mentally even if she does let her emotions get the best of her at times. We are a lot alike in this way. we tend to both be super emotional and sensitive even when it isn't necessary. I love that she plays sports and can chop wood. She is the boy of our group but that is why we love her. It is amazing how this girl who could be a model rather wear her camo shorts and wife beater tank top and sit with her legs spread when she could be out knocking people over with her good looks. Even if she doesn't realize it she is extremely important to me and i don't know what i would do without her inspiration.

Tara Lorraine:

I have known this girls for nearly most of my life. We met at the age of 5 and 6 at a babysitters house and have been best friends ever since (with the exception of the lost 6 years) Growing up together and with each others families we have developed into much of the same person with the same problems and defence mechanisms. we are both greatly opinionated and our way of dealing with things is getting moody rather then sad. But we both have similar personality traits as well. We both know how to have a good time and make things special. She is continually the life of the party. She will do nearly anything for a laugh or a good time. driving down the road she is the first to sing on the top of her lungs or flash a passing car. She is also deeply sensitive even if she doesn't talk about her feelings you know that she loves her friends and family with all her heart. She is an amazing women who is always looking to better herself and the life of the people around her. i know that one day she will realize all the great things she has to offer and begin to show the world because she has only began to shine her brightest. I love her and am so grateful to have her back in my life so that we can make so many more memories together!

Now doing this i realize that i have excluded many other important people in my life and it is not that i don't love everyone but these girls are the one's go to for EVERYTHING. they know all of my deepest secrets and share my greatest memories. I tried my best to accurately portray my feeling for each of them but please realize that putting my feelings into writing isn't the easiest thing to do and that it is very possible that i have missed something. I tried my best to give them equal praise because i truly do love them equally. Each girl is a part of me. Each share a different side of my personality and it is so wonderful that we can all get along together.

To Kristin, Tara and Laura, i want to say i love you and i am sorry if i have ever hurt you because that has never been my intentions. I know i speak too quickly sometimes when i should have though things through. So thank you for sticking by me and being my best friends! I LOVE YOU ALL!!

still going strong

OK well i know it has only been 4 days since i have been back on my diet (even though it seems like much longer!) but i am very proud of myself to still be going strong on my diet. i even went to the fair with mat and didn't get anything bad... we split half a BBQ chicken and some fries... i MAYBE had like 6 fries so I'd say that was pretty good. I instead spent my time shopping at the booths and let me tell you how excited i was to buy the sham wow! i know i know so stupid right but we went to a thing a while back and i didn't get them and i always regretted it and every time i saw the commercial for them i would get so mad that i didn't get it... so at the fair i got it!!! i still haven't used them yet so i can't tell you how well they work but i am hoping for the best and i will keep you updated once i do! but anyways back to my diet! I have been doing really really great! i have counted all my points and kept to it everyday! I have brought lunch to work every night and didn't buy any extra junk. i have also tried my best to get at least a little bit of a work out in everyday. yesterday i went ice skating with Kate and Kristen for a couple of hours and the other days i have tried my best to do a workout from the on demand menu with our cable. I was really proud of myself this morning because i woke up and the first thing i did was turn on the TV and find a 20 minute work out to do and i went forth and did it. then hoped right into the shower. Horribly, however, i had to get out of the shower half way through and puke! It don't know if it was the work out or the combo of working out right when i woke up then not being able to breath in the steamy shower or what but i couldn't sit up for over two hours afterwards! i was just super dizzy. it was horrible. i thought maybe it was because i hadn't eaten so i ate a bowl of cereal and toast and i still felt sick. so i was a bit slow going this morning but i was happy i had gotten my work out in! So i hope to keep this up as long as i can and not let myself get distracted by junk food. There is no need to eat that way. all it does it make me feel sick and guilty! i want to be happy and healthy!

My weight struggle

i have always as long as i can remember.. felt fat. Now allot of it has to do with i grew up allot faster then people my age. I had boobs and was the second tallest person in my school in 5Th grade and boy did that make me feel odd.. plus it made me feel like i was fat.. even though i was just bigger than everyone. i remember in 4Th grade i was in a talent show with a girlfriend of mine and we were getting matching cheer leading type out fits. I remember thinking how much bigger... fatter i was then her. it made me so upset, but of course i never talked about it then. Also during this age because i looked so old for my age i would get attention from grown men. Cat calls out the windows as i walked down the street or through the mall always made me feel uncomfortable. I think these feelings make me not want to explore being pretty. I remember when i was 10 i think i went a whole week or two without showering. I think i subconsciously made myself ugly and awkward to rid myself of this kind of attention. Looking back at pictures of myself ago about 11-16 i can't believe i let myself look so awkward and crazy. i feel sad of myself at that age. i remember just spending all my time in my room thinking about all the things i wanted to do. I always wanted a boyfriend but growing up if a guy ever showed any kind of interest in me i shied away. If a guy was ever to ask me out i would think it was a joke. that once i said yes that he would go running to his buddy's laughing at me saying she actually though I would be interested in HER! So i think that becoming comfortable in this big body of mine has been something i have grown to and i can't even imagine what it would be like to be one of the skinny girls. what it would be like to be able to sit down and not worry about the huge roll or fat that is hanging over my jeans. to be able to get dressed in the morning just hoping that i will be able to squeeze myself into my clothes long enough to wear them all day at work without being completely uncomfortable. Well i am sick of these problems. Sick of these stupid subconscious things that hold me back in life. I wasn't to become a happier and healthier me. i want to be able to go for a hike with mat and not be legging behind him completely out of breath with a bright red face. i want to be able to go shopping for a kick ass out fit and not be afraid on if the biggest size is going to fit me today or not. Now i have done' weight watchers in the past and have lost up to fifty pounds. but i stopped because i just didn't want to worry about it anymore and i gained 30 lbs right back. i know i have to figure out how to do this and keep it up for the rest of my life. Food is not something that should bring me happiness. it shouldn't be a mine part of a gathering with my girlfriends. I shouldn't eat eat eat till i am bursting after i get off work at midnight just to go to sleep. i am starting today with counting my points and hoping that i stay on track! man i hope i can do this!

*i think this picture is from 3rd or 4th grade... right before i became awkward

well we had a fun day today... we were going to go inter tubing today in Leavenworth but when we woke up and heard news of thunder storms and clouds we decided to pass on the idea and we did something else. We headed to Micheal's and picked out a few craft projects to do while watching some movies. I did a bird house and stepping stone both for the truller. Laura made two boxes one for herself and one for her niece Wendy. Kristin also made a box for our friendship. Tara didn't make anything. We ate lunch and then got started watching Stick it and Blond Ambition. once we had finished out projects we headed for the hot tub. It was fun to sit out there talkin and coming up with our list of things we want to get done by the time we are thirty. a few things from my list.. party one night all VIP... have a kid... take a long vacation out of the US. then after hanging out in the hot tub we headed to NY Pizza in bridal trails to see Andy's show. he is a co-worker of ours that was putting on a show. It was fun we settled into a booth right up front and sat with his wife. the show was really great. he is an amazing musician. all in all this day was a great day even though we didn't end up doing what we had planned!

Birthday Gift #3

So i spent my third birthday gift with Kristin's mom Peggy. She is so great and is so excepting and always there to listen. When i asked to move in with her and Kristin when i had decided to drop out of school she was there for me with open arms. She said i am always welcome in there house and i have always felt welcome there. She knows how to give advice that is real and not always on my side but tells me how it is and what she thinks of the situations. Anyways so she brought me a card on my birthday and inside was a coupon that read good for one pedicure and dinner at the spaghetti factory so i cashed that bad boy in on Saturday. I picked her up in my car... t-top off b/c it was such a great day and we headed to our pedicure. I got the most gorgeous red toe nails now (i didn't get flowers b/c the red made me feel so grown up!) then we decided to go to dinner at the spaghetti factory in Seattle b/c driving over the bridge and being by the water seemed like such a fun idea on such a great day. there was a bit of traffic but it was fun and the car was filled with great country music. we arrived and to our surprise it was hemp fest this weekend and we ran into ALOT of interesting people. but that just made the trip even more fun b/c the people watching was so great! it was so nice to spend one on one time with her and i am so grateful she wanted to participate in this like everyone else.

Truller wrap up

I'm am just finishing putting up all the pictures from our fun time at the TRULLER on myspace and i thought i would do a nice wrap up of our trip. We had such a great time up at the trailer and were so sad to leave this morning. riding the sea doos was super fun. we tied an inter tube onto the back and went out to try it out. That was a something that took us a bit of trial and error to get right. I as the first to hop onto the inter tube and try it out with Tara towing me along. we knew not to go too fast but that was about it. If we went straight the water would splash right into our face and out couldn't see anything and it was miserable. so we figured out that if you drive in an S shape the inter tube would go back and forth over the wake. but if we went too fast we would be whipped back and forth and feel like if we didn't hold on tight enough we wwould be flung off and go flying! which needless to say was a little scary! our arms were so soar we could barely go for that long b/c holding on tired you out quick. Also i ventured all alone onto the top of the island which was pretty fun. walkin up the trail was a bit of work and i had to knock down a few spider webs to get by but at the top was super fun and i had a great view of the whole lake. i just could go up there all summer without going onto the island! We went to bed pretty early last night b/c we had such a fun and busy day. Laura and i actually fell asleep next to the fire. These are the two dogs that kinda decided to spend the couple of days with us! We were so sweet and loving and fun to have around. until of course i am getting out of the lake at night that they come growling and barking and running towards us.. that was a bit scary! We hope to go up there at least one more time over the summer for even longer so we can get the whole Lake Campbell experience!

we are relaxing at the truller!

I am sitting her in a camping chair lake side trying to get warm after inter tubing. we had such a great today the only thing that would have been better is if the sun would have come out a bit more.. we enjoyed last night sitting by the fire and watching the meteor shower! it was a perfectly clear night too see everything. we made smores and just sat around talking till about 3 am... this morning we woke up to clouds at only seemed to get worse as the day went on but we didn't let that hold us back. we headed to safeway to get gas. we paid only 3.08 a gallon due to my awesome safeway gas discount!. we then can back and applied fun disney princess tattoos we got in the 50 cent machine at safeway. (pictures to come) we spent the rest or the day off and on the sea doos (just learned it was sea doos not ski doos, sorry) we finally pulled them in for the night and we are done with dinner.... KFC and Tacos time because we were too lazy to make the turkey burgers we had planned. now we are gonna play apples to apples and build a fire. good night

pretty great weekend

well i must say that i had a pretty great weekend, even though I'm sick! Thursday mat and i had the day off so we just kinda hung out until Daryl was off work and then we headed out to Laura's family trailer (also known as Tara's heaven) It was so great to be able to do this with the guys. mat never wants to do thing like this. he says he hates camping and doesn't like water and all that stuff so i never thought i would get him up there. But we went and let me tell you we had a great time even though we weren't even up there for 24 hours! Thursday night we had steaks for dinner and hung out by the camp fire and then played apples to apples. it was so great and relaxing and really refreshing to hang out with another couple. we watched a bit of dodge ball but everyone fell asleep around midnight so we went to bed. The next morning we woke up to a bit of fog and realized that we probably weren't gonna get great weather for ski doo's but we were determined to try it out. so we went to breakfast hoping that some of the fog would burn off while we were away. when we got back it was still a bit foggy so we made another fire and just hung out chatting. finally around 12:30 we just decided that we were gonna go out. we headed out and boy was it great. i still am not the best driver of the ski doo's but mat enjoyed driving and i enjoyed holding on tight to him! and of course like clock work the sun came out just as i had to pack up our stuff and leave because i had to be at work by 4pm. work wasn't great due to so much drama with the night crew and i wasn't feeling very good but i got through it and everyone (Laura, Daryl, Mat, Kristin and Tara) were all waiting for me at my house and we went out to Lucky seven. It was pretty fun. everyone there was super drunk by the time we got there so it was so funny to watch everyone dance and act crazy! we didn't stay too long because everyone seemed tired and bored after a while so we walked back up the hill and ended out night! over all it was a great time and i loved that i got to spend time with each of the people that are so important in my life. the only sad thing is that i don't have any pictures b/c i forgot my camera and i don't know how to get the pictures off my phone. maybe you'll see some later.

movie review: pineapple express

went to go see pineapple express last night at the midnight showing and let me tell you that movie was hillarious! now if you don't like drug humor or are totally against drugs all together you probably aren't gonna be this movies biggest fan but if u look past all the pro-marijuana stuff it is a great movie about friendship and over coming all odds. ok ok ok I know I am probably stretching it a bit saying that but it was a fun movie to watch. action packed with car chases and fight sceens that are super funny. of course I have a soft spot because it is co-staring my favored actors from freaks and geeks. but if you are in the mood to laughter until you pee your pants without much thought then go see pineapple express... and no you don't have to be stoned to watch the movie. I wasn't and I laughed hard!

there is a dark black rain cloud over my head

I hate these days when i wake up and just everything is getting on my nerves and then it all makes me wanna cry. I don't know what it is about me but i just have a feeling like nothing can go well today. like everything i do is never good enough. i have a doom feeling going to work like I'm sure i did something wrong and i am bound to get into trouble . i hate that i am fat and that i keep eating. i hate that everything people say about me stays in my head and i over analyze it until i find myself crying. I hate that i have days like this and i feel like i am the only one who feels this way. i hate that i can't tell mat about it because he doesn't understand and he thinks that it is his fault even though it has nothing to do with him. i hate that i am writing this and worrying about what people will think. but i think it will help me to write these feelings down even if it is just to keep track of how often i feel this way. I have been having great days and haven't help this way in a while but it always finds a way of sneaking up on me. I'm sure it as to do with the fact that i am gonna get my period next week. damn PMS!! anyways i hope anyone who reads this isn't worried about me because i know i will be fine tomorrow i just wish is didn't have to do anything today. going to work is just going to make me feel worse and i won't be able to be a great worker because everything will upset me. but i have no choice so i have to try mt best to feel better. i was hoping to start reading our next book club book before work but Tara hasn't told me what we will be reading so i can go pick it up so whatever.wish me luck at work!

wondering who is reading this

ok well I started writing this blog just because I like to get my thoughts out and cronical my life. I in no way would have thought that so many people would read it or even be interested in what I was writing about but I have several people I would never expect to read this ask me questions so I was just wondering who all out there. so if you are reading this please take a minute to leave a comment.... thanks a bunch and I love you all,

Birthday gift #2

Last night went out to dinner with a few old girlfriends from way back in middle school and first year of high school back in Bellevue! It was Kate Michelle and I at first then Kristen was able to join us a little later. Kate took us to Lombardi's which was this really great Italian restaurant in Issaqua. i got a grill Caesar salad which was so good.. the grilled taste made it perfect! we also got garlic cheese bread and then a got pepperoni and Italian sausage pizza. it was all very good (i don't know if i like Italian sausage i felt like i would have heart burn if i ate too much) but over all it was super yummo! after even though we were stuffed to the brim we decided to get cold stone ice cream! yum! then we headed back to my place to watch a movie. we decided on super bad and boy what a great choice! it was so funny and we all we screaming and embarrassed! so much fun. i just wanna thank them fro taking that time out to go to dinner with me and thanks to Kate for my lovely card and dinner and thanks to Michelle for my awesome singing card and gift of dinner for me and mat!