Tuesday, September 9, 2008

i need a break

i have thought too much and cared too much... or too little, it's still unclear to me, and i need some perspective. i don't know how to not care about others feelings... however little or NOT caused by me they are. i want to be able to have people tell me their problems but i don't want to have this over welming need to solve everything. i hate this slipperly slope i have found myself on where i feel down and i make others feel down or they feel down and they make me feel down. i wish that we could all just take when we say how we say it and not over think things (myself included) not to make more out of a comment then there needs to be.

i need some space from these feelings. but i want it without the feeling that i am hurting someone. because that is always what seems to happen. Why am i the one who will always ask how someone is feeling but also the one who will say the wrong thing when they do? why do i have to be the person who things are planned by. if i was to say i wasn't going to do something we had planned would everyone go on without me? because that is what i would want. it is too much pressure to feel i have to do everything or else no one would do anything.

there is so much stress in my life with work and moving and money and it is frusterating that hurt feelings are all consuming yet avoidable! i just wish i knew how to say the right thing... or atleast stop myself when i know what i have to say won't help.

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