I know what it is like to feel unhappy and so i never want that for my friends but have come to the conclusion that there is nothing i can do to make them happy.
I don't know if i got all my friends paranoid after i broke up with our friend Maika or what but they have told me that they are worried that they will do something and i won't want to be friends with them anymore. Now i don't know why they would think things like that. I thought they all realized that the situation with Maika was a long time coming. She wasn't a good friend. She didn't put in effort to be a friend and she was far too judgemental. I thought we all agreed it would be best for us all to not be friends with her. I thought that until i have heard more than twice in the last month that they are afraid to lose my friendship by doing something wrong. and there doesn't seem to be anything i can do or say to reassure them that i am not going anywhere. I have written about how great they are in this blog. i have given them framed poems i wrote for each of them telling them how important they are to me yet they still have dough's. I want to make them all happy and care free but i have come to the conclusion that it isn't my responsibility to care for them. they are the only ones that can make themselves happy. so i am going to continue being their friend and be there when they need me. i will listen to their problems and offer my advice but i am freeing myself from the need to give them their happiness because i have to worry about my own happiness.
i know you guys are reading this and i love you all know that and never dough it because all you are doing is causing yourself unnecessary grief and pain. We may have different interests and we may not do every thing together but that doesn't make our friendship and weaker. and that doesn't mean we are going to grow apart!
I haven ended friendships in the past. It is never easy, but sometimes it is right. I think you are doing the right thing by being good to the friends you have and letting them know how you feel. Besides, if you weren't such an awesome friend they wouldn't be afraid to lose you, would they! They'd wish you'd leave. Be glad they love you just as much!
ReplyDeleteBrianna has a good point..."if you weren't such an awesome friend they wouldn't be afraid to lose you." but you are an awesome friend, so ya maybe at times we are afraid to lose you. d and i talked when i got home cuz i had a lot of stuff on my mind. I think too much and i worry too much. We talked about friends that i've lost and what not, and how i think i'm like my mother...which i hate. She has one friend from jr high kind of..im terrified of being like her: no friends, everything ect. i hate to blame my problems on her but everything always goes back to that. D says i should talk to my family bout shit and he's prob right... maybe i'd change and not be so stupid and emotional and think so much all the time. there just needs to be a right time and place for it. He said we need family counseling! which i totally agree on but it's kinda late for it. hope i didn't tangent off too much. if that doesn't make sense, id be more than happy to try and explain it to you in person. it might explain why i am the way i am sometimes...which i hate! gosh being a girl sucks somethimes! your a great friend, i loved my surprise goodies this morning, my tigers, and poem... you always think of the right things to do
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