Tuesday, August 5, 2008
there is a dark black rain cloud over my head
I hate these days when i wake up and just everything is getting on my nerves and then it all makes me wanna cry. I don't know what it is about me but i just have a feeling like nothing can go well today. like everything i do is never good enough. i have a doom feeling going to work like I'm sure i did something wrong and i am bound to get into trouble . i hate that i am fat and that i keep eating. i hate that everything people say about me stays in my head and i over analyze it until i find myself crying. I hate that i have days like this and i feel like i am the only one who feels this way. i hate that i can't tell mat about it because he doesn't understand and he thinks that it is his fault even though it has nothing to do with him. i hate that i am writing this and worrying about what people will think. but i think it will help me to write these feelings down even if it is just to keep track of how often i feel this way. I have been having great days and haven't help this way in a while but it always finds a way of sneaking up on me. I'm sure it as to do with the fact that i am gonna get my period next week. damn PMS!! anyways i hope anyone who reads this isn't worried about me because i know i will be fine tomorrow i just wish is didn't have to do anything today. going to work is just going to make me feel worse and i won't be able to be a great worker because everything will upset me. but i have no choice so i have to try mt best to feel better. i was hoping to start reading our next book club book before work but Tara hasn't told me what we will be reading so i can go pick it up so whatever.wish me luck at work!