I SUCK AT LIFE

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that i am completely unhappy or anything but there are some basic life skills that i just SUCK at! It is a fact

First i am always broke! i don't know how it happens ever week but i completely live pay check to pay check mostly finding that my money is spent within three days of getting paid! For this reason i pretty much can't save money to save my life! There are so many things i would love to do this summer but can't seem to be able to even save a couple hundred dollars! i feel bad about this because everyone always wants to do fun things and i feel like i bring down the energy with me constantly saying I'm broke. i am no good at saying no because i don't wanna miss out but then at the end of the week i regret spending so much money and ending up broke! one thing lately that had been making me upset is that I'm am the last of the bridesmaids to buy the dress in Laura's wedding. i am the Maid of Honor and i should have been the first to buy the dress. i worry that i am not going to measure up to the maid of honor that Laura deserves simply because i such with money!
I ruined my credit right out of the gate at 18 yrs old by going to a collage that i couldn't afford AT ALL and paying tuition on my first credit card and then never paying it off. Also i am drowning in student loans for a school i never graduated from (going to collage is one of my biggest mistakes so far in my life) if this reason i have no credit cards now and can't get any. there for i live solely on the money i make in each pay check with nothing as a fall back in case of emergencies!

Second i have a real lack of work ethic or the ability to pay attention to detail! This is something that never really bothered me (i didn't really mind being an average student) but ever since i have decided that i need to move up in my job it is something that i have had to work on constantly. I find myself trying to let little things slide and they end up not being the right thing to let slide! Like say my audits for my MEDS ends (i change over all the ends of the isles at Safeway to the new promotional sale items each week) i know when my audits are coming and i try my best to make each end perfect but for some reason there are like one or two shelves that i miss and don't change over to the correct item and so i fail. I have failed three times in a row. yesterday i cried at work because of it. Because i was mad at myself for not just changing the shelves! why is it so hard for me to get the motivation to pay attention to these little details?

Thirdly I tend to be over dramatic and over sensitive! There will be a tiny little problem and i for some reason will over think it, blow it way out of proportion and end up ruining someones night, getting into a fight, or just in general be unhappy for an entire day or two. It is so frustrating that i can't just let things roll off my back. i have ruined so many parties by ending the night early in tears. i have over reacted to something mat has said and totally gotten into a bad mood and had and entire fight inside my head and mat has no idea what is going on.

Fourthly i HATE taking time to do my hair, put on make up and in general make my self look good. i wish i could just take a very quick shower without have to shave ever inch of my body. get out of the shower and not have to do a single thing to my hair. i wish that i didn't find it such a bother to put myself together. i much rather just sit on the couch and watch mind numbing TV than take an hour or more getting ready everyday. seems like such a waste!

Although i struggle with all of these things on a daily basis i am for the most part pretty happy. I have so many memories of fun things i have done. i could have not done these things in order to save money but i constantly choose fun over savings, and for now I'm happy with that choice. Also i am working on my work ethic. i need to learn the hard way i think. so finally after the third failure I'm pretty motivated to have every single end perfect next week!